I miss Marianne
Today I talked to Marianne for about two hours. Just thinking about how far away she is makes my heart hurt because it's days like these when she is the person I need. She is so patient with me and there for me. In college when I told her she couldn't hang up the curtains she made out of paper in our dorm room she insisted and we compromised that she could leave them up for a month. I was a total meanie and she saw right through it and ignored it. Just talking about and planning for when she comes back gives me a lot to look forward to- cook outs, vacations, drinking, riding bikes, etc. And finding out that she too was working on some hard decisions really helped. First of all, knowing that I wasn't the only one that felt like I was jumping off of a cliff without knowing my parachute would open was a relief. Second of all, I feel like it's easy for people to tell me I'm making the right decision because they think it sounds like that's what I want to do. I know that Marianne would tell me if she thought it was a bad idea because she always has. Of course when it came down to it, I couldn't figure out any other way to finish school so it sort of pushes me into a corner there. But today when I was sitting in my apartment watching the rain and trying to make myself do something besides sit there and feel like I was the only one that probably feels this way - the phone rang. And Marianne tells me about people I don't know and describes in detail grandfather clock she bought - just like I'm sitting there with her. And I have been feeling freaked out and alone some because while quitting my job is awesome, who else is going to be living the same life as me? I feel like I'll really be alone and it scares me. But, after talking to Marianne and realizing that I can make it through today and tomorrow and all the other bad days I remember that there are people who over the past week have been totally encouraging, and that there are people making similar decisions, and while Misty does have that full ride thing she's in a similar situation. So, of course while no one will be in the same situation as mine in the fall, I know that people are struggling and confused and not totally sure about everything. Not that I want people to struggle, but to know that I'm not the only one just makes me feel more normal. Of course, not every time you have a problem there will be that one person that can make you feel better, but today Marianne was mine.