I want off the merry-go-round
Today I had the realization that there isn't much I actually have control over right now. I mean, I try as much as I can, but things like clients not showing up may possibly cause me to not having enough family hours to graduate. I try to not stress about it because I can't control it, but I feel like I need some plan or map. Last semester I was 70 hours under what I was supposed to be, and the professor was nice enough to give me a month to make that all up, but this time...this time I'm graduating! I'm so scared about not making my hours, losing my 4.0, not getting a job, memorizing an encyclopedia to pass this test.... I feel like a lot of it is out of my control. It's a weird feeling because I just want to sleep, but I force myself to stay awake and keep on working. I think I'm afraid to stop because if I do I may never get myself moving again. I feel like there's never enough time for anything because it just flies by. I feel like the later it gets in the day the harder it is for me to breath. I feel deadlines looming and I just can't force myself to budge. I feel like I'm on this merry-go-round that just keeps speeding up and I'm screaming because I can't get off!