Call me Cupid

So, here's something funny, I'm doing couples counseling on Valentines Day. Consider it ironic, poetic or logical, but whatever you consider IT to be, consider ME to be cupid.

Warning: read on only if you want to hear my sentimental babble.

This whole counseling thing makes me think about things a LOT. One thing I was thinking about this morning is what a blessing in disguise it was for me to have been so depressed last year. I thought crazy things while I was depressed. Things like "my friends aren't planning anything because they don't really want to hang out with me anyway" when it was really just the fact that we had all sunk so deeply into our "roles" that since I (the planner) was out of commission, there was nobody there to insist that everyone get together. I love my friends, especially for the fact that even when I insist on doing the most random things, they participate. But now, things are so much better because everyone suggests things and plans things. I really think my turning point in being depressed was the Cocktail Exchange that Barbara planned. She heard what I was saying, and that I was asking for help, and she immediately planned something. That was like the light at the end of my tunnel. Because really, if you are just activity partners with your friends, then your connection isn't really that deep. And we aren't just activity partners. I think that's the problem with the whole thing where people think their lives will improve if they "try new things and meet new people" because if you're just talking about the activity (horseback riding, counseling, God, whatever) then you aren't connecting on a personal level. I also feel like the way we got into some of our "roles" was that I was so over the top about planning things that people just sort of stopped trying. I'm trying really hard to not do that again, so we don't get back into roles, because believe it or not, roles don't work. The presence of roles equals the presence of dysfunction. I'm not saying that is an absolute, but I'm saying to look at the system and see what happened to cause the roles to be. I love planning, that's a passion, but that doesn't mean that I want to always initiate everything. There's a difference, and I think we're all really starting to grow up because we're able to grow and expand our roles and what we are together. Different people step up for different things, and we're much more honest about who we really are. Only showing your strength and pretending to have it all together doesn't do you any good, because it leaves you alone in the end. So, there's my way of saying thanks to everyone who supported me through my depression year and for being great friends and family.