Views from the edge

Lately I've been getting used to going to the very edge and then moving back just far enough to get a running start for my flying leap. Maybe that's a little dramatic, but I'm finally getting used to this student thing. Not that starting my internship won't change things. Cause then my flying leap starts to involve other people's lives. Anyhow, lately I've started thinking about getting a doctoral degree. Partly because I think it would be hilarious for you all to introduce me as doctor. Ha! But really, because I want to specialize in something and there's two really good schools for it in Texas. But then we must weigh the cost of living on student loans for a billion more years. Funny, because in the picture I had painted for how life goes I thought I'd be married by this point, and getting married makes life easier because 1)you split the bills so you aren't as damn poor and 2)you always have someone there for you, to help you through the hard times, to support you, so that you don't have to adjust to change alone, and well just be alone in general, to weigh in on your decisions for real (not the way where people are just like, yeah go for it! without really caring what it all means). I'm not just trying to whine, I'm listing all the reasons I think it would be fabulous to have a special someone that thought I was the moon. Besides the fact that it just makes you feel good. It crushes me every time I hear someone not realize how lucky they are to have that person. Research proves that relationships reduce stress in your life, thus prolonging it. Darn, I'm going to die sooner because I didn't find the right guy. Sort of funny. Not that there aren't benefits to being single. I'm sure you all can think of some. I'm drawing a blank at this moment cause I'm watching my dog breathe weird out of the side of my eye. I know there's benefits to my situation, but I'm sure all you people with boyfriends wouldn't really want to be trading for my life any time this lifetime so to me that proves that it sucks more to be single than to not. I've watched many a girl-friend cry on her bed or couch cause she thought she'd never meet "the one" and every single one of those girls has. So I know I'm not just crazy. I mean, I don't even go on dates, or even meet guys anymore. I'm a lost cause. I'll refer us back to the book I wanted to buy from an earlier post to explain why i'm single if I'm so great. I'd love it if I had some reason. Maybe I'm too nice. I'll work on being mean. Let me know what you think of it the next time you see me. Somehow the fact that people keep saying that I'm really cool and deserve some ultimo perfect guy that's out there somewhere is code for "you're crazy, have fun being single for the rest of your life." Anyhow, back to the topic, getting a PhD. is yet another leap, from a higher mountain and it's a difficult choice. But, I sent off for information from my top choice school today. Just so you guys know what's going on in my life and my head and where I might be moving off to in a year. And if I don't get into one of the programs...I'll probably end up in Iowa cause it's so darn hard to get a job in Austin. But really, I'll send you all potatoes.