Stuff from Stephers

I used to share a blog with Melissa, but she's been MIA for a few months, so I made it all mine! Random thoughts on my every day life to bore you with.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

All things change when you stay the same

I feel an overwhelming sense of stillness. Not the good kind of still where you are just calm, but sort of like I’m running in sand, or taffy, or something else that just lets you get an inch farther for all of your effort. Sometimes I feel like I’m so much younger than my actual age. Like the world is whizzing past me. Everyone I know seems to be shacking up and saving to buy houses, planning their weddings and naming their kids. I feel like I’m doing the same thing I’ve always done, and by doing that I’m a million miles away from my friends. I’ll forever be out of the loop because we aren’t in the same loop anymore. I feel like I could move a million miles away and most people’s lives wouldn’t be that affected by it. I think it’s actually part of the reason I went to grad school because I didn’t really fit anywhere anymore. I live with my dog, and instead of paying off debt I’m accruing more with college. I want a PsyD too so forget all about me being done soon. If I ever get married I don’t even want a wedding, so I’m pretty much out of everything. I’m happy the way I am, but I feel like I’m between the way things were and the way things are going to be, and for someone who hates change it’s quite a struggle.

6 Comments:

Blogger Ebony said...

Well, Steph, it sounds like you are suffering from a case of the mid-twenties. I had a pretty severe case last week. I went for ice cream and it felt a little better. If you ever feel like "the only one" rest assured that I am in the same boat paddling in circles right along with you. I have been promised by older, wiser women that the anxiety eventually passes, that's the good part. The bad part, we still have a while to paddle.

4:14 PM  
Blogger danielle said...

i'm glad to know that the feelings i have had lately are shared by other people. it's been rather scary dealing with them, since they are very new to me. maybe we can vent about the agony of the 20's over a margarita in san antonio this weekend? (i'm assuming you're coming to the su alumni council thingy...if not, oops.)

4:50 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

ah, if discussions don't help margaritas definitly will. I will be in SA this weekend too. I'm glad you'll be there, I was getting intimidated by all the old wise people there. And Eb, thanks...it's good to know that this gets easier. I guess we all have different paths. Thanks guys for sharing, it makes me feel less like I might just be crazy :o)

5:20 PM  
Blogger Stereoette said...

um, is it possible to third something, or does it really just go up to seconds? this is why i think i cant wait to be really old, because by that time all of this awkwardness will have passed. At least you have your dog - i am all alone! But im going to stop grumping around until i depress everyone, considering i'm the only one who's not leaving uplifting comments!

7:34 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

hey, i wasn't totally uplifting - feel free to grump away. I totally understand. It's nice to know there's more of us out there. :o)

8:06 AM  
Blogger misty said...

I'd be so sad if you moved a million miles away. And you're not the only one accruing more debt :) I'm in a total holding pattern marriage-wise: no pretty ring or wedding planning for me for at least a year and a half. Summary: we're not in such different places. I know exactly what you mean by feeling "still". I've always referred to it as "my life is on pause and I can't figure out how to hit play".

9:27 PM  

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