All things change when you stay the same
I feel an overwhelming sense of stillness. Not the good kind of still where you are just calm, but sort of like I’m running in sand, or taffy, or something else that just lets you get an inch farther for all of your effort. Sometimes I feel like I’m so much younger than my actual age. Like the world is whizzing past me. Everyone I know seems to be shacking up and saving to buy houses, planning their weddings and naming their kids. I feel like I’m doing the same thing I’ve always done, and by doing that I’m a million miles away from my friends. I’ll forever be out of the loop because we aren’t in the same loop anymore. I feel like I could move a million miles away and most people’s lives wouldn’t be that affected by it. I think it’s actually part of the reason I went to grad school because I didn’t really fit anywhere anymore. I live with my dog, and instead of paying off debt I’m accruing more with college. I want a PsyD too so forget all about me being done soon. If I ever get married I don’t even want a wedding, so I’m pretty much out of everything. I’m happy the way I am, but I feel like I’m between the way things were and the way things are going to be, and for someone who hates change it’s quite a struggle.