I feel like I should be getting so much stuff done but I feel a little bit like I'm paralyzed. Quitting my job is well...it's like jumping out of an airplane and hoping the parachute opens. I mean, I know that technically I could un-do this all if I wanted, but that sort of feels like post-poning a wedding or something. I mean, I should embrace my future. Everyone keeps saying they're proud and asking if I'm excited and I want to tell them that I'm silently screaming because I'm terrified. Working where I work is all I've known since college. And everyone knows that I got depressed after college. I don't deal well with change. I'm like the opossum baby hanging on for dear life to the momma as it runs across the street. I'm trying to pry my fingers off of the momma, which in this case is my job. At least now I notice when I start to hermit and I'm trying to stop myself from doing that. Even if it's just going out to the pool for a little bit - getting out is good. Last weekend all my friends were good enough to go out on a girls night with me to curb the hermitage that I was starting to go into. That hermitage was due to the fact that well...I don't have a boyfriend anymore because he decided to just stop talking to me. Which technically you shouldn't do after 3 months, but if you're adding up the amount of time we spent together it's sort of like dating for a month or less. OK, and honestly...it's not like things were perfect. Although I don't think I've had that happen to me since like, uhhh...never. I mean, when you're in school it's hard to get by without talking to someone again and in the adult world people don't do stuff like that. Anyhow, we went to Guero's, Hotel San Jose where we had what Ebony calls the Angel Belly wine, went to watch her get a tattoo, and then downtown for lots of free drinks and weird men. I would say that the night was a success. Anyhow, so...I've just got to keep myself going until i can get into a new holding pattern. If you find me quietly freaking out, please just nudge me along.