Halloweenie

The Halloween party was a blast - thanks to everyone that came, contributed, helped me through it or put up with me being crazy. Only 360-something days until the next one depending on what day it is. More of an update later, because I have to say something about the stripper, shot block, drama-filled night.

I want off the merry-go-round

Today I had the realization that there isn't much I actually have control over right now. I mean, I try as much as I can, but things like clients not showing up may possibly cause me to not having enough family hours to graduate. I try to not stress about it because I can't control it, but I feel like I need some plan or map. Last semester I was 70 hours under what I was supposed to be, and the professor was nice enough to give me a month to make that all up, but this time...this time I'm graduating! I'm so scared about not making my hours, losing my 4.0, not getting a job, memorizing an encyclopedia to pass this test.... I feel like a lot of it is out of my control. It's a weird feeling because I just want to sleep, but I force myself to stay awake and keep on working. I think I'm afraid to stop because if I do I may never get myself moving again. I feel like there's never enough time for anything because it just flies by. I feel like the later it gets in the day the harder it is for me to breath. I feel deadlines looming and I just can't force myself to budge. I feel like I'm on this merry-go-round that just keeps speeding up and I'm screaming because I can't get off!

kick it

I kick paper butt. My sickness may have kept me home from class, but it didn't keep me from writing 7 pages of critical analysis in 2 hours. Go me. I rocked it today. Now, if only I could rock it into finding a second costume for a kid Halloween party that I am going to tomorrow afternoon....uhh...yikes.

Holy SH*T!

Pardon my French, but I just realized I have a book report due next weekend and an already full weekend and this week will be taken up by writing a paper for a Thursday class. I'm losing some sanity and when I'm overwhelmed I just want to sit here and stare at the wall. Today I made 30 bats out of construction paper for party decorations and did some other miscellaneous stuff that I had to do (besides work at the Gap) and now I am just starting to freak out. I'm sick (for real) and tired (for real) and my to-do list is seeming impossible. I'm just going to need some help and have to put a few things off and I think i can do that as soon as I figure out what....sigh... Sorry that I'm just complaining on my blog all the time, but it's a good outlet when I realize how screwed I am. I can do this...focus...breath....RUN!

The counselor is...confused

I was googling all kinds of things because I was trying to think of a word. The word I was trying to think of was placebo, but somehow in my searchings I came across a blog called DumpYourWifeNow.com. I might equate it to a woman-hating blog. I guess any person can write a blog about what makes them miserable, but....wow... I would probably say that this guy (and the men on there) should think about the women they are choosing to spend their lives with, and how they have interpreted what a good mate would be so poorly before they blast all women, since you are in control of your feelings and your wife can't MAKE you miserable. Why not make yourself happy rather than spend all your time blaming some relationship gone wrong for all your woes? Hurt is under anger and this dude must have some serious pain he isn't dealing with. I mean, does this guy even WANT to date? Because if I started dating a guy and found out this was his blog I would be afraid and appalled. I am all for assertiveness and expressing yourself and doing what makes you happy, but in my brief read some of the things the guys were saying just scare me - they sort of make wives sound like property. They make all women sound derragned and evil, and I'm sure some women do the stuff he mentions, but it's more like he's promoting the continuation of ingorance, non-communication and self-centeredness in relationships than collaboration and growth. He doesn't seem to understand that women are human, not perfect, and can't read men's minds (yeah, the same way men can't read ours). I don't get what this guy wants, but he sounds really bitter and scary. This blog is sort of all about promoting what is wrong in relationships (not communicating, no empathy, no understanding) rather than something to actually help someone in a relationship. I could go on and on, but I really just wanted to share my confusion.

On another, lighter note, I just realized that I've been drinking my milk that expired September 24th. Gross? Maybe....I didn't notice it though so who knows.

This is Halloween

Arrrgh matey...Captain Bones and his little friend Pumpkin Head Smurf have come to warn ye of the Curse. This curse is one placed on people who don't be payin' proper respect to the holiday of halloween. If ye don't be celebratin' right you will be cursed with bad luck and bad dreams and an eternity in Davey Bones' locker. Pumpkin Smurf used to be a normal smurf until he was accused of not celebrating properly and was set to forever find others to suffer his fate with him. Fear the curse and celebrate accordingly or Captain Bones and Pumpkin Smurf will find you....

Important...

I just looked at my "to do" list and here's what is on it

9. study for midterm
2. vodka prices

Yes, with that exact numbering. Interesting state of mind I'm in :o)

How do 28-year-olds spend their birthdays?

I like the number 28 so I don't mind being it. 29 and 30 will not receive the same regard I think. So, how did this birthday girl spend her birthday? I was at the Gap at 7am, then studied for an hour, then counseled someone by phone for 30 minutes, back to studying soon, then walking the dog, then counseling a new family, then going to class until 9:50. Yawn. What a way to spend the day. But I'm also getting lots of love on the email, snail mail, text messages, phone calls, facebook and myspace so all those things keep me going for the day. And of course a special thanks to all those friends that chipped in and got me an Ipod Nano to celebrate the birth of me. What an exciting present!

Let me see if i can explain it correctly...

I've been reading a book that I picked for a client, because I figured I should read it before I recommend it. The only problem with that is that my client will be done with me before I'm done with the book. I've probably seen her since April now, and she's doing so well (ah yes, my fine counseling skills at work) so we've started her coming every other week. It's ok though because in the last week I've gotten two new clients. It's like the mail, the people never stop coming. Anyhow, even though I haven't been able to recommend this book to her, I'm able to share ideas from it with her. It is amazing because of course since this whole counseling gig I know that your feelings are your own. Someone can't MAKE you sad or mad. They do something, and you react with those feelings. Your feelings aren't owned by anyone. Anyhow, the concept that I want to share, is that your feelings are your intuition, or your guide. If someone makes you cry more often then not, then that is your intuition that this person shouldn't be in your life. If you think back to bad relationships...remember the earliest sign that this person was going to screw you over. Yet, as people we think we can work anything out. This book says that if you don't just have that connection then you will never be able to work it out, no matter how hard you try. It isn't giving up, so much as making a good decision, when you follow your intuition to end a relationship. Now, if you're thinking that you want to get rid of all your friends and boyfriends, etc. right now, maybe you aren't applying this in the way I'm thinking. Or maybe you choose a lot of bad people to be in your life, which is a pattern that denotes something about you. Either way, I think this is all really interesting and I wanted to share the idea.

making it?

whew, ok so I've made it through about a month of my final semester of school. I have to say that I am totally burnt out. Some weeks I don't think I'm going to make it. Evidence of this is Adam massaging my back last night and me yelling "ow, softer!" and him replying "oh, I barely touched you though." I'm obviously wound up! I've added on a few new clients, and ended with a couple of others. I've added the adult grief group which I have to say I had nightmares about afterwards. I've done 3 papers and one quiz. I haven't spent enough time with my dog, friends, or family. I need a haircut. However, each week I start new and say "I can do this!" and struggle through it. I don't know if I'd make it without people keeping me in good spirits. You know in Kill Bill when she wakes up from the coma and can't move her muscles and uses severe focus to will herself to move? Well that's what I feel like I'm doing, so anyone who can send me some mental support in that effort I appreciate.