Happier Days WILL be here again!

OK, enough being depressing. Thanks to everyone who emailed me, or whatever. It really does help. I’m getting better, but it’s slow. And I know Sara pointed out that I always act happy when I’m around people so nobody may notice, which is a good point. I think that’s because I just have fun when I’m with people, so I actually am happy. And that’s a good sign that I’m not totally depressed because I can still have fun. Or maybe I’m just bipolar, I haven’t decided yet. I’m actually afraid to ask my counselor what she thinks because then I can use it as a crutch. Imagine me saying this “of COURSE I’m dancing naked in the street, that’s what bipolar people do!” just for example. I don’t really think I’m bipolar by the way. Anyhow, it actually is common for people to be more depressed in the spring. It’s because they’re depressed in the winter and they think it’s just the winter and then spring comes and they feel the same way still so they freak out and feel even worse. But I’m happy to say that I have good days now – lots of them, and I used to not.

maybe it's the weather, but I feel blue

I haven’t written a real blog in a while. I guess I don’t know what to write because I don’t really think anything I write is interesting to people. I feel like I have to beat people with a stick to get them to hang out with me lately, so thinking they’re reading my blog on their own free will, unless in cases of dire boredom, isn’t something I’m thinking likely. So then I just get the urge to talk to myself, which I then delete because that’s really something no one wants to read. I know, I know…people are busy and have lives. They’re used to me being the planner and I’ve gone on hiatus for reasons of sanity or lack thereof. I have no updates of real interest to most people. Last weekend I had a bachelorette party for Sara. It was a lot of fun, complete with me losing a cell phone and forcing a limo driver to eat tortillas. We danced and drank it up, and talked to tons of people. It really reminds me that a fun girls night out of dancing and no worries about most other things is a really good time. If anyone is up for one let me know. I got A’s on both of my midterms, and now I’m working on writing papers before the wedding so that I don’t have to worry about it over the weekend. I’ve started working on homecoming already, complete with meetings every few weeks with the SU folks about it. I know I sound really busy, but my counselor tells me that I make myself super busy so that I don’t have to stop and notice that I’m alone and lonely and that I just overwhelm myself with busy. She says that I am always keeping myself moving forward, and I hate to tell her, but that’s really all that keeps me going right now. I don’t even know if I’m moving forward with all of this busyness. It’s not like I keep myself busy with plans with friends, which would be good, but more of keeping myself busy with my own stuff. I guess I feel like everyone is too busy in their own lives for me, so that I should be too. Anyhow, she also says that I’m a people pleaser and that I do whatever necessary to make people happy, even if it’s not telling people that I’m depressed and need them, just to not burden them. Anyhow, I don’t seek out help and people don’t normally seek to give it to me, so I guess I just assume that whatever I’m doing is either the correct assumption, or that I depress people too much to hang out with me, in which case I don’t blame them for not. And then there’s the tiny possibility that people haven’t noticed, and well…now you know. Not that it means you have to care.

Happy Birthday Party Girl!

Saffy is turning two, so we did a photo shoot sporting her presents. I gave her leg warmers, a pearl necklace with bow, a party hat, and a lhasa loaf cake from the Groovy Dog. Of course we haven't officially celebrated yet, but I wanted the photos. My baby is 2 - they grow up so fast!

Big Brother

The other day I was walking to the bathroom and on the wall between the women’s and men’s doors was an 8 ½ x 11 print out with an ear and the words “We’re Listening.” Of course that freaked me out since I was going to the bathroom – listening to what?! I wondered. Then I started noticing them all over the place, in the break rooms, and the elevators. There’s no safe place to talk! I thought maybe it was a secret sign that the building was bugged, or one of those “we know all” kind of hints. That’s probably what working for the CIA feels like. So when I finally stopped to read one of them, I realize that it’s just their ploy to get us to respond to the employee opinion survey, but really it might be more effective if they were just listening.

Tag Four

OK, I'll play along. I see that Ebony has tagged me, only after I looked at Barbara's blog first and realized that she didn't tag me and wondered why.

Four Jobs I’ve Had:
--photo researcher
--Dean of Students lackey
--intern at an advertising place (i got paid so it's a job)
--athletic secretary in high school

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over:
--Adventures in Babysitting
--Hotel Rwanda
--Weekend at Bernies
--The Best Little Whore House in Texas

Four TV Shows I Love to Watch:
--Grey's Anatomy
--One Tree Hill
--Good Morning America
--Without a Trace

Four Places I’ve Been on Vacation:
I need better vacation spots
--New York
--Port Aransas
--New Orleans
--Tampa

Four Favorite Dishes:
--Broccoli and Tofu at Veggie Heaven
--My mom's meatless lasagna
--My dad's meatless enchilada's tie with Manuel's
--OJ with vanilla protein powder is my newest crave

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
--Gmail
--Hotmail
--My Space (it's addictive)
--Google

Four Places I’d Rather Be:
--in bed
--on a beach with a pina colada
--walking my dog (who is well behaved in imaginary world)
--laughing with friends

Four Others I’d Like to Tag:
--Sara
--I can't remember who everyone else has tagged so I'm just going to call out anyone who hasn't gotten it for my other 3

Chaos

My mouth is in pain. This new temporary crown is first of all too long and it hits first when I bite. Second of all, I think my gum is starting to turn black underneath it. This is really disgusting - and as if I have time to deal with it all. My dog was limping on her bad leg today so I'm going to have to go to the vet to get x-rays and I haven't gotten my pet insurance through work yet, and I have a bachelorette party to be planning and two boxes that haven't gotten here yet for it that should have. I'm shaking my fists. All of them. Next it's going to be me shaking my head into the wall.

Saffy's new do

Saffy's before and after photos of her new haircut. It's very slimming.

Congratulations

So we knew it was going to happen, but the day was today. Congratulations Barbara and Zach on your engagement. And if you're wondering how I have pictures, there was an elaborate plan to get her up there with candles and rose petals and lots of people, then suprise...it's Zach at the top with flowers and a ring!!!

The death of a tooth

Yesterday I had a wedding shower for Sara and David in San Antonio. The bakery that we got the cake at had this wonderful smelling cinnamon rolls, so Sara bought us some. It turned out that we were so busy we didn't have time to eat them, so she gave it to me to take home. I got home, unpacked, and decided to eat the cinnamon roll for dinner. Very nutritious, I know. So I'm happily chewing on the wonderful cinnamon roll when I feel something hard between my teeth. It seems rock solid so I pull it out of my mouth to see what it could be. I rinse it off and realize - someone's tooth is in my cinnamon roll! While I'm about to puke I touch my tongue up to where my temporary crown should be and realize that this was it. Good news is that there wasn't a tooth in the cinnamon roll, but the bad news is that I have a painful little nub of a tooth in my mouth making it hard to eat or drink anything. If only it were Halloween I'd be the costume of white trash with my halfling tooth.

Crazy

I realized that my life had gotten a little too hectic when I noticed that I was keeping my mail on the stove.

Maybe she's born with it...

but it's definitely not Maybelline. I'm on the hunt for my favorite mascara or anything similar. It's not the clearest photo but I've tried tons of mascara's in the last few weeks trying to find a replacement. I normally use Revlon's Colorstay Extra Thick Waterproof mascara. It holds the curl to my lashes, isn't too liquidy, doesn't clump on the brush, or my eyes really (unless you have something to tell me that I never noticed) and darkens perfectly. Unfortunately, it seems that maybe they've stopped making it. Why you would quit when you have the absolute best mascara is beyond me. My next runner up so far is Cover Girl's Mascara Triple, and then Loreal featherLash. Both are ok. I used the Cover Girl Fantastic Lash only once, and once was enough. Same goes for the Max Factor IFX Lash Perfection. It might have a cool rubber brush, but the stuff doesn't dry so if you blink you get mascara all over your face. So if anyone has any mascara suggestions, or knows where I can find the Revlon Colorstay Extra Thick, comment away.

Tradition - start one of your own

I'm going to get struck by lighting for this I'm sure, but here goes....The other day in class someone asked me what I was giving up for lent. I just looked at her confused because first of all she knows I’m not Catholic, and second of all I don’t even know the reason they give something up really. I mean, my God, the one that lives in my sunroof somewhere, doesn’t ask me to give something up for him. When my grandma sends me the emails that ask you to not buy gas on Tuesdays I don’t not buy gas on Tuesdays. So what really is the purpose? Does God know that you aren’t eating those Doritos and think its helping world hunger? Or that you gave up candy, which pleases your dentist? I don’t think so. It’s not like we’re spreading kindness or something. Heck, a lot of people get mean when they give things up. Once I decided to only eat green things, and as stupid as that was, it just made me really bitchy. Are you supposed to suffer so that when you’re pissed that you can’t eat that cookie or smoke the cigarette you think of how great God is? A real friend wouldn’t ask you to do that would they? I mean, if someone told you that I wanted you to not eat bread for the next three months how would that sound? Shouldn’t I ask myself? But isn’t it pointless anyway since I get nothing out of it except being able to SEE your true devotion to me? And you can’t even see God in return so why should you have to do these human things that are clearly nowhere near how great you think he deserves? I know I’m nowhere near God, but this Catholic God just doesn’t seem to understand. What if it’s just something the priests made up to make the Catholics suffer some more or some practical joker priest back in the day got a kick out of it? Or what about those fraternity pledges that have to drink until they puke – isn’t it sort of the same thing? Everyone thinks that’s a horrible idea though. And anyway, why should I be impressed that people are giving something up for a month or two when I gave up meat about 13 years ago? I’m not impressed with people that can sacrifice for 1/156 of the months that I have. If you really want to impress God just give something up all together. THAT's the sure way into heaven.

Mommy went to NY & all I got was this stupid t-shirt

Here are the photos of Saffy wearing the t-shirt I bought her in New York. I can't make them lay out nicely, but whatever. Note how it just barely fits her and her fur puffs out like a tutu under it. It's funnier in person. She looks like she's wearing a muscle-T.